A Forceful Slam: Part 2

Continued...

From that day on, for the next 16 months, I was an emotional wreck when it came to rock climbing. I just didn't trust the systems and certainly didn't trust people managing the other end of my life line. Don't get me wrong, once I healed from the painful bruising, I went climbing right away, looking to reengage with the sport that has continuously taught me lessons. What was I going to learn from this experience?

If a climb was completely safe, if the protection was bomber, if the fall was clean, it didn't matter. Self assurance and trust in people was just not present, however I wasn't going to quit trying to regain my confidence. Just like the dialogue between Jester and Viper lays forward after Maverick lost his co-pilot Goose (Rest In Peace Goose).

I was sending myself up just like Maverick, but wouldn't engage. I didn't have an attack plan. Fueled by doubt for over 15 months, I was not a pleasant climbing partner to be around. Self deflating words would eject from my mouth: I can't do this, it's scary, this route look runout, it's too hard, i'm gonna fall, and so on. Climbing days weren't fun. Just sending myself "back up" wasn't helping me engage. It was actually tearing myself and my relationships apart. I needed a new approach and fast.

Quitting would have been the easy way out, but I knew I wouldn't be happy. So I decided to research falling, overcoming fear, PTSD, and read blogs from people who had similar climbing accidents. With all of this information, I created the attack plan below.

The first step I took was to get back on that one particular climb I was dropped from, but this time I brought two of my most dependable friends. With the trust I had in them and recognizing it would be a clean fall, I tied into the line and took once I reached the bolt I had whipped on 16 months earlier. Through a series of progressive falls and increasing the distance of the fall each time, I was able to create a sense of comfort, in a place that haunted me for over a year.

Now, if I'm not feeling it I don't lead or climb the route. Its really that simple. Why let my ego or any other outside influence make decisions for me. If I stick to the plan I mapped out above, then there is no pressure to succeed, no hardships if I fail, and most importantly, it's a way not take climbing so seriously.

The next four months I stuck to my attack plan and never let fear of that fall get to me again. It was kinda bananas how comfortable I felt while climbing. Now, well I tore my knee at the end of those four months and haven't really climbed in almost a year.

It's honestly been a little nerve wracking thinking about getting back on a rope once I reach full health, but I'm reverting right back to that plan. I'll let you know how it goes come January when I am released to climb again.